Megan Boyle
I am going to masturbate for no reason,
it will not change the fact that last night I sat on your couch
and watched a music dvd with you,
and sat on your lap and made out with you,
and both of us looked at your dick coming out the top of your shorts,
while the music dvd played in the background.
I am going to masturbate and it is not going to change anything.
Last night we went upstairs and you said we shouldn't do this,
I asked you why and you said because it cheapens the friendship.
Everything that came out of my mouth sounded deeply thought,
but the only thought I had was an image of a giant black well.
My eyes unfocused and the well grew deeper in my head,
and the more I concentrated on forming sentences,
the more your face resembled the giant black well.
I had to look away from your face and look at the wall.
The wall was black but seemed forgiving.
I focused and unfocused my eyes in the dark, you couldn't tell.
I am going to masturbate and thoughts and images will occur.
There will be small moments where I picture your face saying "kiss me."
The image of your face will not change the fact that I laid next to you last night
and tried four times to tell you that I want to be your girlfriend,
and you said we talked about this two years ago,
and I said yes, but I didn't know if you had changed,
and you said no, you haven't,
and I said oh.
We were silent and the space above our heads shrank.
It turned into a tense space where extreme weather should occur,
but you couldn't tell, you were falling asleep.
You turned over and I sat up at the same time.
I tried to move like liquid or gas molecules
and made my body weightless as I got dressed.
You asked if I was okay.
I made a small noise and left your room
and drove home, trying not to have thoughts or images,
while an alternate version of myself in a different dimension
was screaming while smashing my face repeatedly into my steering wheel
and driving my car into your living room, screaming.
I am going to masturbate and have an orgasm
and try not to think about your face in the dark of your room
my face will not move after it's over
I will unfocus my eyes and it will not change anything.
